Ysaac Smitt - Jerusalem
ISRAELI NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR Uzi Arad unveiled plans yesterday to launch a piercing attack on the very anus of Iranian nemesis, Mahmud Ahmadineyad. “We are capable of flexing our military muscle in and around the perimeter of the tyrant’s rectum”, said Arad, who declined to comment whether a tracking device had already been slipped between the dictators buttocks.
Military sources told El Garrofer that a number of tests have already been carried out with land-based Patriot missiles on the West Bank. “Although these weapons were originally conceived as a defense system, they have proven to be extremely effective at hitting people right in their fucking asshole”, said the source.
According to retired General, Patrick Carrigan III, in order to hit Ahmadineyad anywhere near “that part of the body”, a land based launching system would have to be installed near the Iranian border. “Otherwise they [the Israelis] run the risk of missing the target and hit other less-sensitive areas of his behind”, said Carrigan. “Range is definitely an issue here”.
An alternative, the General said, would be to launch the missile from a US vessel in the Persian Gulf. Pentagon sources, however, have played down that possibility arguing that all diplomatic avenues must be exhausted before whamming a half-a-tone projectile into the Persian leader’s butt.