Irene Verdú - Matola, AL
A 34-YEAR OLD NIGERIAN MAN by the name of Abdulwaheed al-Farooq was arrested yesterday at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport after trying to board an Athens-bound airliner hung with a seven-and-a-half inch cock.
The atrocious cock had been concealed under a double layer of denim and polyester, and would have gone unnoticed were it not for the full body scanner deployed at the security checkpoint.
“This wasn’t your everyday wiener”, gasped Jennifer Sosa, a morbidly obese customs official supervisor who rushed to the scene for a personal pat down of the three inch caliber rama-lama-ding-dong. “And this guy was up to no good”.
Asked whether the mind-numbing sirloin could have been deployed in mid-flight and be used as a weapon, Homeland Security spokesman, Garth Baker said, "no doubt".
“The magnitude of the schnitzel went beyond anything reasonable”, stated Mr. Baker, who said the Nigerian national is still being questioned at the airport detention facilities to determine how, when and why he planned to board a commercial airliner with that animal of a cock concealed under his underwear. “God forbid if he had rammed the fuselage with that thing”.
“It is comforting to see that our security personnel is doing a thorough job at detecting threats”, said former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “Someone was bound to get hurt with that phenomenal cock of his”.